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2023 Eileen Lannan Poetry Prize

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sugarburn

by Ankita Sadarjoshi

 

the sweat of cinema. hills alive with the chalk of “true story” snowwash brought blue- white a body, premium pleasure trough frost brought chill to lungs, so potent, I’d hate to harness false heat true romance is about the anti-rush, baby a saree in your mouth an erected garment in your mouth here, you wouldn’t believe it, mumma, यह ाँ तो, they don’t say “fuck” or “shit” यह ाँ तो, everything hit or miss. they want me to lean into the “I’, the “I” of it all, I want their pharmacists to up their dosages. the precise ascension when nostalgia becomes lifeline, ground the reader, this is the chapter on (g)loss. if I saw god, I saw god ‘s twin, they shimmered specifically, the sneak diss was sublime. I got on a plane and lost my mind. when the gargle clotted to form me, I caught a vibe: fake fur, real sashimi, true romance, baby, holds my hand through my self my sexy foreign nerves inflamed, precious in how they teeter. the fiction that they aid me, the true crime that they don’t. I don’t want to bother you, mumma, but they seem to insist on your resurrection. I wish you’d scold them and me, teach us all regression, the good-haired parent doesn’t always start shit, shit. here, they don’t say “shit” I can handle it I construct rituals that stick honeycombed from tools from a suitcase from home. lick the log of body between hip and rib, generate zero plot as I go, it shows up in the bits edited to fit flag, ignore: platform scream. here, people seem to scream psychosis in tooth-rot, the decay is the decay / enamel bent out of shape, space made for you and U-Hauled toys, they’re called boys. I have no critical thinking left, I see what I see on the internet. craft my desires accordingly, elect my own company in the face of danger. at the level of craft, give it a rest, at the level of craft, I hope to make rent. when I couch-dropped the candy, it attracted lint, I bowed my head, I curtseyed half-colonial, & received the prayer falling, no one hold me as I burn. sugarburn

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